


Thorns

by Alcnolien



Series: Talia Amell: The Unauthorized Biography [3]
Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age - All Media Types, Dragon Age: Origins
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Heartbreak, Hurt/Comfort
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-13
Updated: 2017-01-28
Packaged: 2018-08-30 16:44:11
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 7,704
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8540686
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Alcnolien/pseuds/Alcnolien
Summary: "When one door closes, another opens; but we often look so long and so regretfully upon the closed door that we do not see the one which has opened for us." - Alexander Graham Bell
Talia Amell tries to deal with some old feelings in the aftermath of Broken Circle.





	1. Sworn Duty

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "The things I said were...unkind. Untoward. I regret them now." He sighed, gazing out the window, focusing on an unknown point off in the distance.
> 
> "... I wish she knew that."

“I am glad you arrived when you did. It's almost as if the maker himself sent you.”

Talia coughed awkwardly, scratching the back of her neck. “ _Well_ , I mean, the maker hardly had anything to do with it, I had my own reasons for coming back. But...” she trailed off, gazing at the familiar halls around her, “... I'm glad I did. This was my home for so long, I wouldn't have been able to live with myself if the circle had fallen.”

Irving smiled, placing a warm hand on her shoulder. “It is still your home, should you ever wish to return.”

Talia returned his smile, shaking her head. “Thank you, First Enchanter, but my place is with the Wardens now.”

Irving sighed. “I understand. You were never happy here, cooped up in the tower, even if you insisted otherwise. And speaking of the Wardens,” he continued, “From what Greagoir said, it seems you came here seeking allies.”

Talia started. “Oh, no, nonono, First Enchanter, after everything that's happened, I couldn't ask-” 

“After everything you've done, the _least_ we could do is help you out in the fight against the darkspawn. I would hate to survive this, only to be overcome by the blight.”

She hesitated, biting her lower lip. “But... but there are so few of us left.”

Irving smirked, the skin around his eyes crinkling in delight. “You, of _all_ people, should know that we are not to be underestimated.” He waved his hand, gesturing to the hustle and bustle of mages around them, reuniting, talking, laughing with relief, crying for friends lost. “The mages you see here will be of great help to you, my child.”

“Y-you're sure?”

Irving nodded. “You have my word as First Enchanter.”

Talia smiled, despite the tears gathering at the corners of her eyes. “F-first en.... _Irving..._ thank you so much. We... _I_ won't let you down.”

The old man chuckled softly. “You haven't a single time in all the years I've known you. I'm very proud of you.”

“Irving, may I have a word?”

The two turned to face Wynne, who had been standing beside Talia for the last few minutes at least. “Of course, Wynne.”

“I... I would like to ask to take leave to travel with the Wardens.”

His face fell, brows furrowing. “Wynne, we need you here. The _circle_ needs you.”

Wynne gave a wry smile. “I appreciate the sentiment, Irving, but the circle will do fine without me. The circle has _you_.” Irving gave a dry laugh at that, as Wynne placed her hand on Talia's shoulder. “This woman is brave, and good, and capable of _great_ things. If she will accept my help,” she continued, turning from Irving to look at Talia, “ I will help her accomplish her goals.”

Talia smiled gratefully at the senior mage. “I would be _honored_ to have you join us, Wynne.”

Irving chuckled, shaking his head. “You never _were_ one to stay in the tower when there was adventure to be had elsewhere, Wynne. The two of you will work well together.”

The two continued to talk as Talia caught a shadow of movement out of the corner of her eye, taking her attention away from the conversation- a familiar figure in templar armor had just vanished around a corner. She gazed off into the hallway for a moment, thinking to herself, before coming to a decision and turning back to her partner. “Alistair, do you think you could ask the First Enchanter about the situation at Redcliffe for me? There.... there's something I need to take care of.”

Alistair blinked in surprise. “Uh... of course, absolutely!” Talia thanked him quickly before running off,

Alistair watched her go, brow furrowed with concern, before he turned back to Irving. There was work to be done.

 

* * *

 

Talia wandered aimlessly through the maze that was the circle's library, having lost her trail almost as soon as she had entered. She sighed, trailing her fingers along the edge of a shelf as she relished the silence- she had spent so much time in here, reading, researching, telling stories to the younger apprentices. _And yet you still get lost every time you come here_ , she thought to herself sarcastically. It felt like things had hardly changed at all, aside from the occasional corpse scattered about.

In the silence, she finally had time to think back over the last day- or was it two? Time felt tricky, especially after they had been trapped in the fade. So many things had happened in such a short span of time. They had fought wave after wave of abominations, demons, blood mages, and defeated Uldred. And she had even reunited with...

“ _Don't touch me!” he had rasped when Leliana tried to give him some water, scrambling backwards until he hit the wall opposite the group. “Stay away!” He had started hyperventilating, fresh tears forming at the corners of his eyes. He sniffled, his nostrils flaring and his mouth grimacing, straining to hold back, but the dam broke as he buried his face in his hands, weeping. Talia, unable to break through the barrier that separated them, could only watch._

“ _Sifting through my thoughts....” he had choked, “T-tempting me with the one thing I always wanted, but could never... h-have...” He inhaled, a raspy, shaky breath. “Using my **shame** against me, my ill-advised infatuation with her.... a **mage**... of all things...”_

She couldn't forget the way he had spat that word out, as if it were something foul.

“ _Mage.”_

Her hand had started shaking, and she took a deep breath, trying to calm her nerves. _Relax... relax. Regardless of what he said, he's still my...._

… Was he a friend? Friendship wasn't necessarily _forbidden_ between Templars and Mages, it was just... difficult, given the circumstances. They didn't have many opportunities to simply relax and enjoy each other's company- there were always classes, training sessions, duties to attend to, and eyes, so many eyes, always, always watching.

So, no room for friendship. But whatever they were, she couldn't just leave without making sure he was alright.

Not without saying goodbye. Not like last time.

She held her head up high, set her jaw, and continued her walk through the bookshelves. Finally, she caught sight of the figure she had been pursuing, and sighed with relief.

“... Cullen.”

The figure stiffened, freezing halfway through turning a page in the book he was holding. She had found him following his old patrol route near the far end of the library, exactly where she had somehow expected to find him. There was no way the Knight-Commander would have ordered him back to work after what had happened to him. _Maybe the routine is helping him feel normal?_

He seemed to take a deep breath before he closed the book, turning to face her, expressionless. He stared at her, apparently needing a moment to process what he was looking at. “.... What are you doing here?” he asked, voice barely audible, yet chilling the space between them.

Talia faltered, not expecting that tone. “I-I, uh...” she swallowed, gathering her thoughts. “I wanted to uh... t-to...” Finally she sighed, glancing away as she scratched the back of her neck nervously. “I just... wanted to look around one last time, I guess.” She looked back up at him, but his eyes remained vacant, staring off at some unknown point to his left.

“... I see.”

They stood there, the silence as thick as molasses. Cullen was the first to break it, clearing his throat and changing the grip on the book he was holding. Talia's eyebrows shot up as she caught sight of the cover.

“Ah! I remember that book!” she blurted, relieved to have something to talk about.

Cullen jumped, finally turning to face her in his befuddlement. “.... Book?” She pointed at the book in his hand, and he looked down at it as if he had never seen a book before, let alone realized he had been holding one.

“Remember?” she prompted, “The younger apprentices used to love it when I read that story.”

He examined the cover, his eyes softening and a hint of a smile ghosting across his face. “Y-yes.... I remember.”

Talia felt something tighten in her chest- for a brief, brief moment, in that face, she could see the Cullen she knew. She watched him as he traced over the letters on the books cover. _Maybe... maybe things will be ok._

“I uh....” she swallowed, clenching her fist and rubbing her thumb over her knuckles nervously. “Cullen, i-if you're not busy, can we maybe... talk? About earlier.”

Cullen's face fell like a stone, his gaze going vacant again. “.... What's there to talk about?”

She blinked, “I uh... just wanted to see if you're ok. After everyth-.”

“I'm _fine,_ ” he snapped, cutting her off.

“Are you sure? I mean,” she reached out without thinking, “If you need to talk to someone...”

His eyes went wide and bloodshot as her hand brushed against his arm. _“Don't touch me!”_ he yelped, jerking away as if she had burned him.

Talia shrunk back, staring up at him- the templar had gone ashen and sweaty, gripping the arm she had touched with his other hand, trembling slightly. And his face-

She had seen that same face before, just earlier that day.

Sleepless, dark-ringed eyes, burning with hatred, mouth twisted with revulsion.

His words from back then rang through her mind against her will.

“ _I am beyond caring what you think!”_

The same, hollow feeling she had back then came back, a twisting in the pit of her stomach. He wasn't seeing her anymore.

She tried, desperately, to deescalate, hoping to bring him back. “Cullen... I-I promise you, I'm not a demon. I'm just a normal person. I only want to-”

“ _Normal?_ ” he exclaimed, cutting her off again, voice trembling with rage. “No. No, y _ou_ are a mage, and I a templar. It is my sworn duty to oppose you, and _all_ that you are.”

And there it was. Whatever they were, whatever they had been before she had left- it was gone.

The moment seemed to hang there- his words had somehow chilled her to the bone, and she stood there as if frozen.

“Um... sorry to interrupt, but...” a familiar voice finally released Talia from whatever had paralyzed her, and she whirled around to find Alistair standing in the doorframe, trying a little too hard to act casual. “... But, uh, the First Enchanter said he wanted to leave as soon as possible.” He waved one of his hands vaguely. “You know. For Redcliffe.”

Talia blinked, taking a deep breath as she recalled the task at hand. “Right! Right, just uh... give me a moment, ok?” She hesitantly looked back to Cullen- he was still gripping the one arm, even more tightly than before, but otherwise, the fire in him seemed to have gone out. His shoulders sagged, as if under some great weight, and his eyes were vacant once more.

“.... Cullen?”

He glanced up at her for just a moment, before looking away again with a shake of his head. “..... You should go.” His voice was hoarse, quiet, void of emotion. “A great battle awaits you, does it not?”

Talia hesitated, opening her mouth to say something, before she sighed bitterly. “Yes... I suppose it does. Take care of yourself, Cullen.” She turned to face her partner, her mouth pinched into a thin line. “Let's go, Alistair. There's nothing left for us here.”

The slight waver in her voice forced Cullen to look up again, but she was already walking away, her hands balled into fists at her side. Alistair met his eye for a moment, shooting him a troubled glare before turning back to Talia. He reached out to touch her shoulder, concerned, but she just shook her head and brushed past him, and Alistair hurried off after her.

Cullen stood there, absolutely motionless, until the Grey Wardens disappeared around the corner. As soon as they were gone, he all but collapsed into a quivering, sobbing mess- falling to his hands and knees, and shaking like a leaf in the wind. Tears came, hot, almost burning, as his body convulsed, sobbing. He inhaled, a long, shaky breath, running his fingers through his hair as he tried and failed to master himself.

It took some minutes of this, choking, sobbing, gasping for air, rocking himself on the floor, before he could regain some semblance of composure. No one else had come into the library during all this time. All was still, quiet.

He lay there for a couple more minutes, relishing the silence, before something compelled him to speak, his voice strained, cracking.

“Y-you, who stand before the gates.....”

“Y-you, who have followed me in- into the _heart_ of evil...” He paused, inhaling a deep, stuttering breath.

“The fear of death i-is in your eyes; its hand is- is upon your.... y-your....”

He choked on the last word, quietly sobbing, fresh tears blurring his vision.

Pausing, he closed his eyes and took a deep breath- holding it a moment before releasing it, slowly. He shifted, kneeling on the floor, his hands together. He spoke again, his voice quiet but steady.

 “.... Its hand is upon your throat.”

He paused, ever so briefly, before he continued, more confidently-

“Raise your voices to the heavens! Remember:  
Not alone do we stand on the field of battle.  
The Maker is with us! His Light shall be our banner,  
And we shall bear it through the gates of that city and deliver it  
To our brothers and sisters awaiting their freedom within those walls...”

Silence fell over the library again, and he took a moment to simply breathe, meditating. At last, he opened his eyes, gazing around him- in his hysteria, he had dropped the book he was holding, as well as knocking over a pile that had laid nearby. He stood cautiously, gathering the books and returning them to their proper places.

His hand lingered on the final book- the one he had been holding before, that _she_ used to love reading. Hesitantly, he gently pushed it into place on the shelf, bowing his head as he turned away. Once more, he observed the library around him- all was as it should be, everything in its proper place. Order.

He took a deep breath, fixing his posture and setting his face into a careful, stony neutral. He nodded, as if taking orders from some unseen force, before marching off to make his usual rounds. If anyone had been nearby, they'd have been able to hear him muttering the chant under his breath.

“... At last, the Light shall shine upon all of creation,  
If we are only strong enough to carry it." 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, as I understand it, the "A great battle awaits you, does it not" dialogue doesn't trigger unless you side with the Templars. However, somehow, this beautiful, glitchy-ass game still triggered that dialogue on my first play through where I sided with the mages. As a result, it's always been a part of my journey through this game, and I never knew that it wasn't supposed to happen until I tried to find footage of it online for this story.
> 
> Hope you enjoyed it.


	2. Break

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Talia laughed, a harsh sound shattering the dead silence of the lake. “Talk? What's there to talk about? Like I said, I'm fine. Nothing happened.”
> 
> Alistair huffed, looking out across the lake and scratching the back of his head. “Well, if you DO need to talk to someone, I'm happy to listen.” He glanced back at her out of the corner of his eye. “... Just so you know.”

The wardens departed later that night, accompanied by the First Enchanter and several other Circle mages. Despite the turmoil that had rocked the circle over the last week, the lake outside was as calm as always, the surface disturbed only by three boats carving their way across the water. The Circle mages had one boat to themselves, while the second boat carried Morrigan, Sten, and the dog (who Talia insisted on calling Akiva). This left the two Grey Wardens sitting in the last boat behind Wynne and Leliana, who were chatting quietly about the task ahead of them. Freeing a child from possession by a demon was not easy, and Leliana was curious about how likely they were to succeed.

Talia hadn't spoken since they had boarded, wrapped up in her own thoughts. Try as she might, she couldn't get what had happened out of her head. Snippets of dialogue, details, images, and sensations kept flashing through her mind, repeating as if on loop.

_The vinegar dripping from his voice._

“ _Only **mages** have that much power at their fingertips! Only **mages** are so susceptible to the infernal whisperings of the demons!”_

It wasn't anything she hadn't heard before. Several of the templars felt no qualms about openly expressing their contempt, although they were loath to do it in front of the First Enchanter or the Knight-Commander. But Cullen never had been one of them.

“ _I thought all templars liked killing mages,” she had asked him, half-joking, the day after her harrowing._

“ _Maybe some, but not me.” He sighed heavily. “It's my duty to hunt down apostate mages, but... I do so with a heavy heart.”_

What had they _done_ to him?

“ _Please... I-if anything in you is human, then please, kill me now, and stop this game!” He had begged them, tears streaming down his face. “You broke the others, but I will stay strong! For my sake.... for theirs!”_

Death had been too good for Uldred.

“ _... The maker knows my sin, and I **pray** that he will forgive me.”_

It wasn't a sin to care for someone, she had wanted to tell him. No righteous god would punish someone for love. But she couldn't bring herself to say it in the face of that poisonous look he had given her. Would it have changed anything?

“ _It was the foolish fancy of a naive boy! I know better now.”_

Probably not.

“-right?”

“Huh?” That last voice had been real. She blinked, the world swimming into focus- had she been crying? Alistair sat next to her, wearing a concerned frown. How long had he been trying to get her attention?

“I said, are you alright? You looked like you were miles away.”

“Y-yeah, yeah, I'm-” She hiccuped, hastily wiping at her eyes and brushing her bangs out of her face. “I'm f-fine.” One corner of her mouth twitched down, before she inhaled a deep, stuttering breath, let it out slowly. She smiled, a bit too wide and a bit too cheerful. “R-really, I'm fine! I'm fine.”

Alistair looked her over, not buying it for a second. “Do you.... maybe, uh... want to talk about it?”

Talia laughed, a harsh sound shattering the dead silence of the lake. “Talk? What's there to talk about? Like I said, I'm _fine_. Nothing happened.”

Alistair huffed, looking out across the lake and scratching the back of his head. “Well, if you _do_ need to talk to someone, I'm happy to listen.” He glanced back at her out of the corner of his eye. “... Just so you know.”

Talia's smile faltered, struggling to maintain itself before she let it drop, sighing heavily as she slumped in her seat. “I... Thanks, Alistair. I don't... really feel like talking about it.” She glanced up at him, and he could see the exhaustion in her eyes. “I appreciate it, though. Really.”

He nodded, and silence fell between them again. Talia focused inwardly, trying to think about something pleasant. Puppies, cakes, the smell of a new book, the feel of sunlight on her face, grass between her toes....

“ _And to think, I once thought we were too hard on you!”_

This wasn't working. Maybe talking wasn't such a bad idea.

“... Alistair, you're... _kind_ of a templar, right?”

Alistair blinked, surprised by the sudden question. “I, uh... I mean, that's _one_ way of putting it, yes...” He cocked an eyebrow. “... Why do you ask?”

Talia hesitated, chewing her lower lip. “Have you, uh, ever... attended a Harrowing?”

“A Harrowing?” He shook his head. “Mmmm, no, they don't usually let the initiates attend. I mean, I know what it _involves_ , they just didn't want us taking risks before we were ready. 

Talia hummed, pursing her lips. “Do you think... if you _had_ finished your training, you could have... _actually_ , like....” she trailed off, unable to finish the question. 

“Actually.... _Oh!_ Oh, uh...” Alistair huffed, running his fingers back through his hair as he sat back. “Boy, I mean... that's the thing, isn't it? If I just happen to run into an abomination that's already there, there's not really much to think about, right? But, I dunno... if it were someone I knew, and.... well, uh...” he coughed, waving one hand as if doing so would help him come up with the word he was looking for. “... Well, someone I _knew_ ,” he repeated, raising his eyebrows for added emphasis, “I... I don't know if I could go through with it.”

“... Even if they were suddenly trying to kill you?”

He sighed, scratching his beard. “I... I supposed I'd _have_ to, but... I mean, the shock just might be too much, you know? I- _if_ that happened.”

“I see.” Talia's gaze drifted away again, focusing on a knot of wood at the bottom of the boat as she absently played with the fringe on her scarf. Alistair took that as a sign that the conversation was over, and went back to silently worrying. They sat in silence for several minutes, no sound but the water sloshing around them, and the sound of Leliana and Wynne's voices, oddly distant given that they were less than a meter away. The gentle rocking of the boat was almost relaxing, and Alistair found himself starting to nod off. 

“... He watched over my Harrowing, you know.”

“Huh?” Alistair jerked out of his stupor, turning to face his partner – she was still staring off into space, but she had definitely spoken.

“That templar from before. He was supposed to be the one who... you know. _Kchhhhhtttt._ ” She drew a finger across her throat with that inelegant sound effect. “.... If anything happened.”

Alistair wasn't sure how to respond to that sort of information, so he just folded his hands in his lap and waited. It was another minute or two before she spoke again. 

“I... I asked him about it, afterwards- if he would have.... you know, actually _killed_ me. He said, even though he'd feel terrible about it, he would have done it. 'His _duty.'_ ”

Alistair's eyebrows shot up in surprised. “ _Really?”_ He blurted before he could stop himself, “Even though he...”

Talia smiled, a real one this time, despite the grim topic, even letting out a weak chuckle. “I don't know who he thought he was fooling.... it was _so obvious._ Ever other day, some random apprentice would stop me in the hallway and whisper, 'Ooohh, I heard that Cullen is in _love_ with you! _Ooooo~_!'” She scoffed, shaking her head. “Like I hadn't already heard it 50 times already, _honestly._ ”

Talia paused. “I mean, I _get_ it, not a lot happened in the circle. Sometimes gossip was all we had.”

Alistair nodded. “Of course.”

“But _still..._ ” She huffed.

“... Well, it didn't matter, anyways. No matter what his feelings were, he always put his duty first. That's just... the kind of person he was. And I tried to respect that, regardless of how _I..._ ” she trailed off, the water sloshing against the boat filling the silence.

“... You really liked him, didn't you.” It was more of a statement than a question. There was something in Alistair's tone- a note of disappointment?- that made Talia look back up at him, but his face was unreadable.

She sighed, absently tucking some loose hair behind one ear. “He... he was a sweet kid. Earnest, kind, _very_ devoted to the Chantry... but even then, he'd at least treat us like we were _people_. But, the man I saw in there..."

_Eyes burning with hatred. Mouth twisted in a vicious snarl._

“ _It is my sworn duty to oppose you, and **all** that you are.”_

“... Maker, I.... I can't forget the look on his face. It was like... I wasn't even a _person_.” She sniffled- tears were gathering in the corners of her eyes. “A-and we used to be... I mean, we weren't _friends_ , exactly, b-but we were...”

_Brief meetings in the library, discussing the next book for the kids._

_The look on his face before she began her harrowing, full of fear and concern._

_A hesitant, but kind smile, contrasting with his professional stance in the hallway. “You can, uh... come and talk to me any time you like.”_

“... We were _something._ ” She choked on that last word, her mouth screwing closed as if she had eaten a whole lemon. She inhaled, a deep, shaky breath, and balled her fists up in her lap, desperate to hold it together.

“T.... Talia?” Alistair leaned over, placing a concerned hand on her shoulder. “Are... are you alright?”

Talia took another erratic breath, wiping her eyes again before looking back at him, her mouth flattened into something more resembling a thin-lipped grimace than the smile she was attempting. “I-I'm... I'm _fine_.” The tears came back too quickly, and she looked away again, pinching the bridge of her nose. “Ugh.... I-I'm so sorry...”

“What- no, nonono, Talia.. _._ ”

“I-I-I shouldn't be... I-I.... I'm...” she stuttered, breathing ragged and shallow as she dragged her hand down her face. “I-I _can't,_ I n... I need to-to stay str.... _strong..._ ” Her lower lip trembled briefly before she clamped it down, hiccuping. “F-f-for everyone. I-I... I can't... can't _...._ ” she stammered, seemingly stuck on that one word. Her fingernails dug into her palms. “I _c-can't_....” She paused, her teeth grinding together from the effort. Finally, the dam broke- tears overflowed, and she bent forward, trying to choke back a sob.

Alistair felt his heart drop into the pit of his stomach as she crumpled in on herself like a used handkerchief. How long had she been putting up a brave front for their sakes? How many times had he thoughtlessly rambled to her about his problems while she just listened patiently, with nothing but a reassuring smile?

“N... no, no, it's ok...” He reached out with one hand, almost without thinking. “It's ok, it's gonna be fine, just...” he sighed, stroking her back gently as her frame shuddered, inhaling deep, wheezing breaths before letting them back out in quiet sobs. “Just let it out. It's ok.”

They stayed like that for what felt like a long, long time, Talia weeping while Alistair gently rubbed her back. Her lungs and throat burned, her nose ran, and her shoulders heaved as she let out one ugly rasping sob after another. She hadn't cried like this, _really_ cried, since she had left her family for the Circle more than 13 years ago. Maybe the occasional injury or argument had left her on the verge of tears, but never for more than a moment, always stubbornly pushed aside. There was no showing weakness in the circle.

After a long while, she ran out of steam, sobs giving way to sniveling, exhausted both physically and emotionally. Eventually, soothed by both the gentle sway of the boat and the brush of a hand on her back, she drifted off to sleep.

Alistair sighed, relieved to see that she was finally getting some rest. Her head had ended up resting against him at some point, using his thigh as a pillow. His hand drifted across her back, coming to a rest on the arm farthest from him. It wasn't so much a hug as it was reassurance that she wouldn't slide onto the hard, wooden floor of the boat and get hurt, he told himself.

He glanced up at the approaching shore to check their progress. The going was slow- they were still only halfway across the lake, with a ways to go yet.

 _Good,_ he thought, giving her arm a gentle squeeze. _She deserves a break._


	3. Water

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “I used to do something like that. When I still lived with the Arl, and I had a lot on my mind, or something... I would come out here. Just sit and listen to the water, and everything would just kind of... fall away...” He kicked his legs back and forth absently, watching the waves. “There must be something about the water, I guess.”

Several days travel and one more trip into the fade later, Talia found herself lying awake, staring at the ceiling of an inn in Redcliffe. Even though Arl Eamon was still in a coma, they had not only stopped the onslaught of possessed skeletons, but had even managed to free Connor Guerrin against all odds, and the citizens were more than happy to put them up for the night free of charge. Now that she thought about it, this was the first time she had slept in a real bed since joining the Wardens- it had been nothing but camping since she had left with Duncan.

So why couldn't she sleep?

“ _It is my sworn duty to oppose you, and_ _ **all**_ _that you-”_

Oh, Maker, not _this_ again.

She rolled over onto her stomach, hugging the pillow into her face and squeezing her eyes shut, willing herself to fall asleep. When that didn't work, she tried pulling the covers more snugly around her, until she was practically buried by fabric. And when that didn't work, she tried counting sheep.

_One… two… three… four… five… “It was the foolish fancy of a naive b-”_

“ _Okay,”_ she groaned, rolling onto her back and massaging her temple. “ _This_ isn't working.” She sighed, laying there in silence for a moment before she kicked the covers off, swinging her legs over the side of the bed. _Maybe a walk will tire me out,_ she thought as she draped her scarf over her shoulders and pulled her boots on.

The air was cooler outside. She took a deep breath, a smile spreading on her face. No matter what happened, some fresh air nearly always cheered her up. After a lifetime stuck in the tower, she had come to treasure every simple joy the outdoors could give her.

She wandered aimlessly through the village, the streets empty aside from her. The village was enjoying its first quiet night in a long time, and everyone was celebrating by getting some well deserved sleep. _Lucky bastards._

Eventually, she ended up by the side of the lake, gazing out over the surface. She stood there for a few minutes, watching the moon's reflection ripple on the surface and listening to the water splashing against the shore, before she turned and noticed a distant figure sitting on the end of one of the docks. _Huh… who else is up this late?_ She set off to find out.

She slowed down as she approached, coming to a stop several feet behind the figure. It was Alistair, bare feet dangling in the water and absently twirling something in his fingers. She squinted, taking another step forward to try to get a better look. What was that… a flower? She couldn't see very well in the moonlight.

The dock creaked under her, and Alistair jerked in surprise, setting the object out of sight as he turned to find the source of the noise. He squinted, struggling to see for a moment before his eyes finally fell on her. “Oh, _Maker_ , Talia” he sighed with relief, slumping slightly. “For a moment I thought we had missed one of those skeletons.”

She smiled. “Hah! Nope, no skeletons, just a regular flesh and blood human. Sorry to disappoint.”

“Oh, nonono, no, I'm not _disappointed_ , I just feel like I soiled myself for nothing.”

She snickered, plopping down next to him on the dock. “I'm _so_ glad I have such a brave, strong man on my side,” she grunted as she pried her own boots off.

He shrugged, grinning. “What can I say? I'm the whole package.”

A sigh escaped as her feet hit the water, and she took a moment to enjoy the sensation. For at least a minute, neither of them spoke, the silence broken only by crickets chirping in the distance and the creak of a rowboat against the dock.

“… Couldn't sleep?” Alistair shook his head, and Talia sighed. “Yeah, me neither.”

She gave one of her legs a kick, spraying water across the surface and watching the resulting ripples scatter. “I thought if I went for a walk, maybe I'd tire myself out. Back in the tower, when I couldn't sleep, I'd sneak out of bed and look at the moon on the lake. Watching the reflection calmed me down, somehow.” She chuckled. “I can't tell you how many times I got assigned cleaning duty because they'd caught me sleeping on the window again.”

They both laughed, Alistair leaning his weight back on one hand. “I used to do something like that. When I still lived with the Arl, and I had a lot on my mind, or something... I would come out here. Just sit and listen to the water, and everything would just kind of... fall away...” He kicked his legs back and forth absently, watching the waves. “There must be something about the water, I guess.”

“Hmmm….” Talia considered this, humming to herself. “… Does that mean you have a lot on your mind now?”

“Huh? Oh, uh,” he coughed, scratching the back of his neck as he glanced away. “I-I, uh, I suppose I do.”

“Anything I can help with?”

“Er, uh…. I-it's kind of, uh…. c _omplicated_.”

“Hmmm........” She paused, her eyes narrowing as she turned to stare at him. “… Someone didn't go and break _your_ heart, did they?”

“Wh-what? No!”

“You sure?” She raised a fist, rolling up her sleeve with the other hand. “Cause I'll kick their teeth in, don't think that I won't!”

“No, no,” he cried, covering his face with one hand and trying not to laugh, “It's nothing like that! Really!”

She smirked, happy to get a smile out of him. “Alright, well, if you're sure. If you _do_ want to talk, though... I'm here.”

“Th-thank you.”

With that, the two returned to relative silence, Talia absently humming to herself as she swirled her legs in the water, enjoying the patterns the resulting waves created. Alistair, meanwhile, seemed to be deep in thought, his brow gradually furrowing deeper and deeper until it seemed like it would create a permanent crease across his forehead.

After several minutes, Alistair inhaled sharply, opening his mouth as if he wanted to say something- Talia started to turn expectantly towards him, but he seemed to think better of it, closing it again and scratching absently at his chin. He tried a few more times over the course of a couple of minutes before huffing in frustration, picking up the object she had noticed earlier to look at it in the moonlight. Out in the open, Talia could finally see that it was a dried rose. _Where did he get that from?_

He seemed to contemplate it for a while, his brow furrowed, before he finally glanced over at his partner. He flushed slightly when he saw that she had been watching him, hastily looking back at the rose, before he seemed to come to some conclusion and turn back towards her, holding the rose out.

“Here, look at this…. Do you know what this is?”

Talia stared at it, examining it closely. It seemed to just be an ordinary rose- surprisingly intact, considering he had likely been carrying it around while traveling and engaging in repeated battles. Maybe there was something else to it?

“…. Is this a trick question?”

“Hah! Yes, yes that's it.” He laughed, an incredulous grin spreading on his face. “That's it, I'm trying to trick you. Is it working?” He waved one hand flippantly. “ _Aww,_ I _just_ about had you, didn't I?”

“Ah, yes, you're _very_ wily,” she deadpanned, sarcasm dripping from her voice.

“ _Nefarious_ , even,” he purred, trying to cap off with a cartoonishly evil cackle which quickly broke into a coughing fit. Talia leaned over to give him a few solid whacks until he had it under control again.

“I think you need to practice that laugh a bit more, Mr. Nefarious.”

“I'll _-cough-_ keep that in mind.”

She looked back to the rose, now resting in Alistair's lap. “…. You've been thumbing that flower for a while, now. It looks well-preserved…. How long have you had it?”

He hesitated, nervously rolling the stem between his fingers. “I… I picked it in Lothering.”

She raised her eyebrows. “Really?” _He's had it for that long?_

He held the flower back up, gazing at it in the moonlight. “I thought, how could something so… _beautiful,_ exist in a place with so much… despair, and ugliness?” He laughed weakly, letting his hand fall back into his lap. “I probably should have left it alone, but… I couldn't. The darkspawn would come, and their taint would just destroy it. So… I've had it ever since.”

Talia thought back to Lothering- it may have been a small village, but so many people had called it home. So many people had left their memories, businesses, and dreams behind in that little village.

And this rose was all that was left.

“… Well, at least you were able to save part of it.”

Alistair sighed, staring out over the lake. “Not enough.”

A heavy silence fell between them, and Talia quickly moved to change the subject. “So! What are you going to do with it?” She grinnedplayfully, trying to lighten the mood. “Start a collection, maybe? 'Flora of places obliterated by the Fifth Blight'?”

He bit his lip. “I thought I might, uh…. give it to _you_ , actually.” He glanced down, rolling the stem between his fingers before holding it back out to her, meeting her gaze with a faint blush washing over his cheeks. “… I-in a lot of ways… I think the same thing when I think of you.”

Talia felt something tighten in her chest, unable to hold back a smile as she reached out to take the rose. “Aww… Alistair, that's so sw- _pfftttt!!_ ” Alistair jumped as she snatched her hand back, clapping it over her mouth as she was suddenly overcome with a fit of giggling. He couldn't help pouting a little- he was trying to be serious for once, was it really so ridiculous?

She gasped between peals of laughter, struggling to speak. “....F-feeling a-a little... _thorny_ , are we?” She finally managed, slapping her knee as she doubled over.

Alistair sat their stock still, his face turning beet red, before burying his face in his hands. She could hear him laughing, although it was muffled. “Ooooohohoho, _nooooo…._ I walked _right_ into that one!”

The two of them sat there laughing for what seemed like ages, laughter echoing across the lake and surely waking up half the residents of the castle. They couldn't seem to stop themselves- every time they seemed to be calming down, one would catch the others eye and a new spasm of giggling would overtake them.

They finally did seem to settle down, gleeful cackling brought down to a subdued chuckle. Talia sighed happily, swinging her legs back and forth in the water- it had been a long time since she had laughed like that.

She glanced over as she heard another chuckle from Alistair. “Hooohohoohoo, _wow.”_ He muttered, not quite under his breath. “'She'll never see through _that'_ I told myself. _Boy,_ was I wrong.”

Talia smirked, reaching over to playfully tap him on the shoulder with her fist. “Oh, _relax_ , I happen to like it.”

He laughed weakly, averting his gaze as he scratched at the back of his neck. “I…. I guess, it seems a bit silly now, doesn't it? I was just thinking…..” He coughed, gazing back out over the lake. “… Here I am, doing all of this complaining, and… you haven't exactly been having an easy time of it yourself.”

He looked back down at the rose, cradling it in one hand. “You… you've had none of the _good_ experience of being a Grey Warden since your joining. Not a word of thanks, or congratulations. It's all been… _death,_ and _fighting,_ and _tragedy_...”

He glanced back over to her. “I thought, maybe… maybe I could say something.” He reached over, taking her hand between his and pressing the rose into it.“… Tell you what a _rare_ and _wonderful_ thing you are to find amidst all this…. _d_ _arkness.”_

Talia could feel her cheeks getting warmer, a slight smile forming as she curled her fingers around the stem. “I… Thanks, Alistair. I… I think I needed to hear that.”

He smiled. “I'm glad I could help.”

She looked down at the rose, running a finger along the edge of a leaf before looking back up at him, the corner of her mouth quirking upward. “So, like…. Are we married now?”

“Hah!” Alistair slapped his kneed, barking with laughter. “Oooh, _no_ , you won't land me _that_ easily, woman!” He struck a pose, mugging with one hand on his chin and the other on his hip. “I know, I know, I am _quite_ the prize after all. No need for you to start crying or anything.”

Talia snickered. “Hah! Yeah, you're probably still washing stains out of your clothes from last time, right?”

Alistair froze, his cheeks burning as he turned bright red. “Ah- n-no, I mean, uh...” He groaned, smacking his forehead as he tried to extract his foot from his mouth. He was trying to get her to _stop_ thinking about what had happened at the circle, what was he _doing_? He huffed in frustration, running his fingers back through his hair. “I, uh… I guess it was just a stupid impulse. I dunno.” He scratched the back of his neck, nervously glancing around before peeking back at her out of the corner of his eye. “…. Was it the wrong one?”

“Hmmm…. Maybe not.” She peered down her nose at the rose as she rolled it between her fingers, trying to act aloof but unable to hide a smile. “It's… _cute_.”

“Cute? _Cute?_ Oof, _just_ what I was aiming for, _ow_ ,” he groaned, bringing his hand up to his face as if tending to an imaginary blow. “You could just- just _stab_ me in the face before you say something like that!”

“Oh, _hush,_ ” she scoffed, brow furrowed as she leaned over to smack him on the arm. “I didn't mean to hurt your _big, man_ feelings-”

“Yes, _all two_ of them,” he injected, not even bothering to hide a grin.

“ _Well_ , my apologies, let me try again. Yes, it was _very_ manly and heroic to give me this beautiful, delicate flower that you pressed and dried yourself as a romantic gesture.”

“… You're being sarcastic, aren't you.”

“What? _Noooo_ , what tipped you off?” She sighed, her smirk morphing into a genuine smile. “I meant what I said. It was very _genuine_ , and _sweet_ , and _cute_.”

“…. You really like it?”

“Yes, I do.”

“Well…good. I'm glad.”

“ _Now_ ,” he continued after a moment, clapping his hands together as if they had simply concluded a business meeting. “If we could move past this… awkward, embarrassing stage, and get right to the steamy bits, I'd appreciate it.”

Talia's eyebrows shot right up under her bangs as an incredulous smirk spread on her face. “… Here? Right now?” She waved one arm, gesturing to the lake before them. “In the cold? On the hard, splintery wooden dock? Next to the lake with the mosquitoes all around us? At _2 in the morning_?” Her smirk spread into a wicked grin, her eyes twinkling with delight. “ _Absolutely!_ No time like the present! Off with the clothes, then.”

Alistair sat frozen, a cold sweat working its way along his spine. “Ahahaa, uh… what?”

Her grin widened. “You heard me, kid! Strip!”

A hot flush washed over him as he began to laugh nervously. “Ehe, ehehehehahahahahaaa, uh…. B-bluff called!” He turned away, stage whispering to himself. “Damn, she saw right through me.”

She leaned closer to get a better look at his face, eyes still twinkling with that infuriating grin. “Awwww, are you blushing?”

“N-no! Yes! Maybe!”

She giggled, patting him gently on the arm. “Heeheehee... You're so cute when you're bashful.”

The contact sent a shock up his spine, his face deepening from scarlet to crimson. “Hahaha! I'll just, uh, move over here!” He stammered, starting to scoot sideways along the dock. “Until the blushing stops.”

“Wait, no, I was just joking!” she laughed, leaning over to try to grab at his sleeve, “It's fine, don't go!”

“J-just to be... safe! You know how it is!” He kept scooting, jerking back to avoid her grabby hands.

“No, no, I'm sorry, it's fine, you don't have to!” She laughed, not yet scooting after him, leaning far over to half-heartedly try to swat at him.

“I just need a- whoa!” The hand guiding him along the edge of the dock suddenly met nothingness, and the imbalance combined with his attempt to dodge her grabby hands sent him toppling sideways, falling into the lake with a loud splash.

“Oh no!” Talia flew upright, discarding the rose to one side as she scrambled over to the side of the dock, searching for him in the water.

He emerged as quickly as he had gone under, coughing and sputtering, but otherwise alright. Talia sighed, a relieved smile spreading over her face as he finally caught his breath, treading water and shaking his head in an attempt to get the water out of his ears.

“Are you alright?” She asked, failing to suppress a giggle.

He coughed again. “Ugh, n-nothing hurt except my dignity,” he grunted, shivering. “ _Oof_ , how's _that_ for a cold bath, eh?”

Talia laughed, leaning over to offer him a hand. “C'mere, I'll pull you up.”

Alistair reached up to grasp it, but a wicked light sparked in his eye as he yanked down- Talia shrieked as she fell into the lake, loud enough to wake up the remaining residents of the castle.

She flailed around for a few agonizingly long seconds, trying to get her bearings, before she finally managed to surface, gasping for air.

“You-” she sputtered, alternating between coughing and laughing fits. “You- _asshole!_ ” She screeched, slapping the lake's surface to send a sheet of water washing over Alistair's face.

Alistair surged sideways to dodge, his own laughing ringing out loud and clear across the lake as he counter attacked. “It's your fault I fell in, you brought this on yourself!” 

She laughed, returning fire. “Oh, so it's _my_ fault that you can't watch where you're going!?”

“What can I say, I can't keep my eyes off you!”

“Oh, we are way past flattery now, pretty-boy! Take this!”

So there they were. The last of the mighty Grey Wardens. Ferelden's last hope.

Sitting soaked to the bone in the middle of a half frozen lake, having a splash fight and laughing as if they were children.

And, despite everything that had happened, every thorn that had gotten itself snared in her life- Jowan, Ostagar, Lothering, Redcliffe, the Circle, and even Cullen - Talia couldn't remember a time when she had felt happier.

Maybe it was something about the water.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow, that took like 2 months to finish up, which is about 2 months longer than I expected it to take! Thank you everyone so much for reading this story, it's been bouncing around my head for so long, and it feels so good to finally get it out and share it with people. It feels even better to see that people have read and enjoyed it! Also, one million thanks to beautiful perfect best friend in the world fait_hunter for helping me edit this story and letting me rant at them about a fandom they're not in while I struggled with the trials of long-form fic writing.
> 
> This is the first longer piece I have written in ages, so please, if you have any thoughts, criticisms, or what have you, feel free to comment!


End file.
